I’m here to serve you. Whatever in your life you might be facing, take my hand and let me show you the way forward.
Who Am I?
Wow, I dont even know where to begin this text. I’m 32 years young, yet it feels like I have been living several lifetimes. I have endured hardships and traumas, probably more than most. But it’s not a competition, and I truly believe that we are only handled what we are able to handle in this life.
That seems to be such a cliche and hard to hear at times, I know. But I am speaking from my own experience, having hit rock bottom several times and crawling my way up from the abyss.
A little about my journey
I was deeply unhappy in my young teenage years. I remember that I used to sit in my windowsill every night, looking at the stars and praying to the universe that someone would come see me. Save me. Take me away. I was being bullied at school because I did not understand or comply to the silent rules that applied to everyone. I guess I was always different. The fact that I had pretty severe ADHD, with all the difficulties of fitting in that comes with it, did not help the matter either.
I first self-harmed when I was 12 years old when took a bunch of pills that landed me to be stomach pumped in the hospital. After that I was a cutter for a long number of years. Physical pain felt better than the emotional one, and looking back at it now I guess it was also a cry for help.
Escaping reality.
I started to smoke cigarettes at the age of 12 and drinking from 13. My first time drinking had me down half a bottle of cheap vodka without any mixer. I guess you can say it was love/hate at first sight.
My addiction problems was to follow me for another 13 years of my life, worsening in substances and amounts as time went by. But I guess that’s how it goes for most addicts.
I paired my drug addition with modelling and eating disorders, mostly anorexia but also periods of being bulimic and over-exercising to the point of not being able to walk without pain for 2 years.
After 13 years I finally freed myself from the addiction cycle, having it almost cost me my life several times. I consider this being one of my biggest victories.
Drugs and other froms of escape and self abuse will always land you at the same point or ever worse than where you started out. Anything in excess is a poison, not a remedy. You have to feel it to heal it, as the famous saying goes.
It is what it is.
I lost my role model and best friend, my grandfather, at 18.
I have also endured my share of sexual abuse at various ages of my life. I was 2 mm from losing the ability to move my hand after a cutting accident. (You can read more about that here). I have been kidnapped and had to fight for my life to get out. I also suffered more recently of the Stockholm syndrome after a 10 day horrific ordeal in Cape Town.
Why am I telling you this? Well, firstly I have no shame of what happened to me. I have worked through it and came out on the other side, ever healing. It’s worth noting, I DID NOT WORK THROUGH THIS ALL ON MY OWN.
Secondly, I want to you know where I am coming from. I know what it’s like to be your own worst enemy, to be so stuck that it hurts. I know what it feels like to not want to continue living, what it feels like to be prayed upon and cast aside. I also know what it’s like to go from that place to living a peaceful and beautiful existence.
I am Here Now.
So far I have been lucky enough to live on 4 different continents in 13 countries. I have explored different cultures, healing practices and connected with a vast number of different people that helped me along on my way.
I have been to various healing retreats and been blessed to be part of several natural medicine ceremonies such as Bufo Alvarius and Ayahuascha. I also been exploring different forms of therapy for years, looking to improve my life and learn new ways of being.
I am a certified yoga teacher as well as a health coach and nutritionist. I’m also the creator of the sustainable lifestyle blog Life of Mjau. I am deeply spiritual and I believe there is truth in each religion. I love to read books, cook good food and hike in nature. I talk to animals as often as I can (with various replies hehe) and I think there are few things as resetting as a bath or a dip in the sea.
Flowers are some of my favourite creatures on earth! Im adventurous and I love trying new things. Recently I took my scuba diving license and I am so excited to explore the world under the sea. I prefer sunset to sunrise, simply because I love to sleep in the morning.
I truly believe that life is what we make out of it, and that means that we have all the power. I am proud of the woman I have become, and I am exited for what the future holds for me, us as a collective and our planet.